Written by: Muqaddas Ali
I am not okay.
I always acted like I don’t care if you ever shifted to Dubai and like I will not miss you and I don’t care about our friendship but now when it is almost two months without you I realize that it’s difficult to live without people you love most and I don't only love you, I need you in every circumstance and in every moment when I am on the verge of tears.
You know when I walk to the bus stop from my institute I think of you.
I think of the time we shared and the moments, the time you spent with me and the time I spent with you. I think about the days when we used to fight with each other, the moments in which I shared with you my problems, my happiness.
You know what?
Throughout the entire ride to the stop and from the stop to my home I only think and think and my thoughts revolve only around you.
And when I step in the house and when I fling myself into mama's arms and when I make my way to my room and from my room to the kitchen and from the kitchen to the drawing room , I search for you. I know you are not here but I forget it every time.
And whenever I use the laptop which you used to call your territory (and yeah of course it was yours but now it is mine), I smile remembering the names you used to call me. Which no one uses anymore.
And when mama gives me the corner piece of cake and the golden yellow fried egg, I miss you at that moment too. While sitting alone or with my sister or while studying, I miss you always.
I cry for you, my heart sinks every time I think that there is no one to entertain you in Dubai and my heart sinks at the thought that I am alone now and no one will come if there is a strike in the city again. And no one is here to drop me at my centre during my exams and no one is here to drop me at the institute and I have to manage it by myself.
No one is here to bring me that two-coloured brownie and to listen to my entire stories and most of all no one is here to tease me.
There is no one in the house I can fight with.
No one can replace you.
I wish you could see my tears when you call me at night and tell me your stories.
I know you will never admit that you miss me neither will I in front of you.
But I know you miss me.
My friend said that you are my uncle, my mamu, and I should behave like a nephew, a good nephew but what she doesn’t know is that you were my best friend, that you taught me all that I needed to know about my beautiful deen.
I wish we could have lived together forever.
I miss you.